You might get something out of this site if:

You think an awesome experience is something everyone else always has
You think adventure is looking at the ladies dainties in the Sears Catalog :)
You've got more cousins than Carters' got little pills
You find people are always telling you that you're definitely the most interesting person they've ever met
You don't like high stress jobs. Like when your husband tells you that you've got to the mow the lawn TWICE this year.

If the idea of that kind of life gets you down
Just wait until you discover what living life on the road is really like.


"Always follow own life plan, otherwise GPS lead you to dead end!"
--The Great Kiva

There are lots of buttons and links here, some might go somewhere, most probably don't. Even I, smart as I am :) ain't got'em all figured out yet. But like some feller said, "It ain't the destination, it's how many times you got to repair the brakes during the journey, otherwise you might not be able to stop when you get to where you didn't know you were going."

Don't worry about what this website costs. You get the RV Dreamers bug you'll learn right quick you'll need to keep every penny you got. :) But if your a real smart feller and come up with a way of gettin' people to send you money so you can live it up, keep it to yourself. Cause if someone else does it, it might chip away at your good fortune.

Oh, one last thing, if you just got to support something, Support Our Troops, they're keeping our country safe so we can live this life.

This website is dedicated to my grandpap who always said, "Boy, you got a knack for doing the dumbest things." And how could I forget my city feller cousin (the one whose name I never learned) and his cute wife :):), who gave Nilda and me the RV Dreamers bug when they told us about the Great Kiva on the day they got lost.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

A Shrimpin’ and a Dippin’: Helpin' Out

As the Good Book says, “All good things come to those who wait,” least ways I think it does. It was one of Pa’s favorite sayings, especially when any of us young’uns asked fer something. And since he was always a reading The Book and a spoutin’ off words from it, I figure it must a come from there.

After hearing all them stories about that city feller and his boatin’ adventures, I was of a mind to try my hand at the same thing. Well, not exactly the same thing, not wantin’ to deal with Billy Bob’s two boys, him still being off into the boar and beer business instead of the boat business, I was a lookin’ for some fellar needin’ a boatin’ buddy, so to speak. I may be from upriver, all the way upriver, but that don’t mean I don’t know a thing or two about them down river city feller boys and their ways.

Which was why, early the next mornin’ I was down at Billy Bob’s Boat and Bait, pretending to be one of them onlooker types. What I was a really doin’ was a waitin’ for one of them fellars that don’t know a bit about what he was doin’ to come in a lookin fer some help. Not that I knew anything about this fishin’ and shrimpin’, but even if I didn’t, two heads is always better than one, especially if one of ‘em is mine. :)

It took a while, but at last I was rewarded, provin’ that what Pa said was surely right. I’d been a hopin’ that whoever it was would at least know which end of the boat was the starboard and which was the port, I havin’ been studying up on nautical terms to impress whatever nautilus was lookin’ for help. Then this boat comes up the channel, and as it gets near the dock, the feller at the helm starts to turn, only it's the rearward end of the boat that's a comin’ towards the dock, with him a spinnin’ that wheel like a madman and nothin’ happening except the back corner just keeps getting’ closer to the dock at a rate of speed that even I could tell weren’t normal.

All of a sudden that feller guns the engine like some aireoplane a takin’ off, and that boat hits the dock like it was shot out of a cannon. That feller looses his balance, which turns out to be a good thing, as he hits that lever he was a pullin’ on and knocks it upright, which stops the roar of the engine, and all that water a thrashing around behind that boat. That was when I got a good look at him, immediately havin' him deadeye figured for a city feller.

He goes inside the Boat and Bait, then comes out with Dumber followed by Dumb. From what I understood from the RV Park fellars, this meant that that city feller weren’t just in trouble, he was in a heap of trouble as he was about to get a double dose of wrong information. I wasn’t privy to what he was a trying to git them boys to do, but what with all the gyratin’ arms and shruggin’ of shoulders, I was a believing he had already passed the sum total of Dumb and Dumber's knowledge of what he was askin’.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Advice at the Beauty Parlor

One thing that never changes is that weekly visit to the beauty parlor for Nilda. It doesn’t matter what’s going on, my Nilda’s gonna get her beauty and hair treatment. In this case, I’m still reelin’ from what the results of this week’s visit was.

Since we been broked down in this town for nearly a month, or leastways it seems like we was, Nilda'd become a regular fixture with the local ladies. Then we tried to leave town once the brakes got fixed, only to get so lost none of our followers could even find us. But as luck would have it, we got so lost our ownselves we got found, or at leastaways we found this RV park again, meaning she was able to make her regular weekly beauty parlor treatment with them same ladies. And it was during this week’s visit that one of those gals asked Nilda about her other half, which by all accounts is yours truly. Now my Nilda has never been shy about braggin’ about the fine catch she made when she caught the best educated fellar up on the Gulch.

As you might know, I was the only one around that had the smarts to get a degree which allowed me to work without having to work, unlike all them other fellers Nilda was eyein’ for husband material at the time. She was proudly tellin’ all this to the ladies, when she let slip that I was not only a cipherin’ genius, I was also a writer of some reknowned, especially since most of the people up on the Gulch, as well as many of our cousins read this here blog.

That was all fine and dandy until this afternoon when one of them beauty parlor ladies come by the 5th wheel and started a whisperin’ in Nilda’s ear like a magpie that were in a hog callin’ contest. I seen Nilda’s head a bouncin’ up and down, and her a glancin’ around at me more n once while this lady just goes on a yammering away. This has got my curiosity up, but havin’ been taught by Ma that it weren’t polite to interrupt a ladies confab, I figured once that lady left, Nilda would infilltrate me in on whatsoever it were I was missin’ out abouts.

As I was to learn, that lady was busy fillin’ Nilda’s ears with a critique of my writing. Now when Nilda first tells me about this critique, I don’t have any idea what she is talking about, but after searching through the writers good friend, Mr. Webster’s book, I learned that lady was of a mind that my writing wasn’t up to her standards. Now Nilda was most appalled about all this, and wanted to march right over two that lady’s house then and there, and give her a piece of her mind, which in case you don't know, is quite sizeable, Nilda being the smartest female I ever layed eyes or anything else on.

Course that’s one of the differences between Nilda and me. What with my education and all, I know that you got to keep a learnin’ all your life, or everyone else is gonna get ahead of you unless you live up on the Gulch that is. In which case even if you don’t do nuthin’ you’re ahead of most everyone else, since they is usually doin’ less than nuthin’.

I figures that lady would have a right good thought of Nilda if she was go over there and ask the lady’s help in what that lady thought I should do to improve my writin. Figurin’ that because of how much that Simpsonville jailer had helped me with my cipherin’ skills, then maybe this lady could do the same for my writin’ skills, or lack thereof.
Nilda wasn’t sure she wanted to go over there, especially after the way that lady bent her ear this morning, and what I was a wanting her to ask, but once I pointed out how much money I had made because of that first degree, (well it actually was a third degree that led to my first degree), and that maybe improving my writing would mean more money, Nilda was all for it.
She was gone for what seemed like hours, and when she returned, she was burdened down with a big bag of what turned out to be books. That lady had told her that the best way for me to learn proper English, grammar and writing skills was to start by reading some good literature which Nilda could get at the library. So when Nilda leaves that lady’s house, she just naturally goes by the library to pick up some of that literature for me to read, and thus too learn about writin’ right.

Only problem was that when Nilda gets there, the librarian is out to lunch and the library was closed. Nilda thought maybe the backdoor would be open so she went to the backside, only to discover that door was a locked to. But as luck would have it, there was this bag of books a sittin’ there by the door, which Nilda just naturally grabbed up and brought home to help in my education.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

A Buzzin' and a Hoppin'

I guess that by the time Dumb was done with showing the city fellar how to adjust the binimmini, or whatever it was called, the city fellar was lookin’ cross eyed and upside down. All of which just may have been due to do Dumb not havin’ a clue as to how to adjust one of them boat toppers, which I think is what a biniminimini is.

That city feller was a tellin’ his wife, “Don’t worry Sweetkins, I know exactly what he is talking about.” Which if he did, made him even dumber than Dumb was. All this conversating came to an abrupt end, according to that story telling feller, when the city fellers lady lets out the biggest whoopiedo heard in them parts since that gator bit Donnie Lee Donaldson in his exposed part when he was taken a dump over the Sea Scorpion Channel a few years back.

According to this dockside feller, the lady was a dancing a round, a hollerin’ like blue blazes, and a waving’ her hands in the air like some flapjack flipper that sat on the wrong spot. She’s a batting at her head, a whackin’ one side and then the other, causin’ people to congregate along the dock to see the show.

All this time that city feller is all tangled up in the bimininminnimi poles, having loosed the wrong one when she let out her first screech. Finally she whips off that sun hat she was a wearing, and everybody can see some poor little bee come a buzzin’ out, lookin’ more skarit than a chicken in pillow factory. Just cause that bee was gone didn’t mean nuthin’ to that lady, and she just a kept on a hollerin’.

Finally her city feller husband gits hisself untangled from that cover thing he’d been a fightin’ with, and grabs ahold of her. She’s got body parts a heavin’ worse than them women in them romantic books my cousin Donnie Earl is always a tellin' me city women is reading, and she doesn’t want to have anything to do with him. A hollerin’ “Just go away, go away.” Then she sits down and begins a bawling worse than Becky Sue Billingsley’s triplets would whenever when Becky Sue would forget to feed them, which was quite regular, what with her carrying on with every travelin’ salesman that come through town.
The folks along the dock was all makin’ a bunch of noise themselves, only it weren’t what that city feller was likin’. Between the belly laughs, the giggles and the guffaws, that city feller was a turning more colors than a double rainbow. He couldn’t get away fast enough, and at first he really couldn’t, but once he backed off on the engines enough to take the ropes loose from the dock, he lit out of there just about as fast as that bee had. Guess that sayin' about not wantin' to have your woman get a bee in her bonnet is true.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Gosh Darned Computer

Ain’t it furustrating when the computer does something wrong? That feller that showed me how to use this blogger thing told me when we was done that I had to be the most impenetrable student he’d ever had, adding that he’d never met anyone quite like me before. Which is why I know it weren’t nuthin’ I did. You probably know what I’m a jabberin’ about, it were that blogger post that were posted in the late morning on Wednesday instead of just afore midnight as it was supposed too. Meaning it showed up more than just a mite early, sorta like Ma’s last six young’us. Pa always said the first twelve was just fer practice to get the proper rhythm, after which they’d just be a poppin’ out like clockwork. Ma said thet she wasn’t sure bout the clockwork part but Pa sure had the rhythm part down and she was a handling the poppin’ ‘em out part.

Dag nabit, there I goes a wanderin’ again, seems like I just can't keep on subject to save myself. Now I remembers, seein’s as how the posting problem, note how I got them technical terms down just like that blogger teacher said I did, that problem was soley due to the computer malfunctioners, I need to bring anyone that reads this here thing up to date. The post you was a readin’ today were the post you was gonna read tomorrow. Meanin’ that the post you was to read today you didn’t read because it were there already today.

So now that I got all my cousins, close and distant up to date on why they was a gettin' cross eyed a readin' my posts, let me phraseology it different fer anyone not a Vayne, no matter how big a one or little of a one you are. Maybe excepting the youngest since they may not be to good at this readin’ thing yet. I’s got this blog set up to post every night at 11:00 pm so you all will have some good readin’ for you when you first get up in the morning. Only that gosh darned computer messed up. It posted one last night, the one you should of read today, and then it posted another at 11:00 am this morning, which you should a been readin’ tomorrow morning. Only this one here you’re now a readin' is a substutite for that one, meaning the post titled Homelife, which if haven't read, you should. Now I sure hoped you follered me on that one.

Follored, that was another thing I wanted to tell you bout. I guess I don’t understand what this follower thing is, which I thought I did. Let me explane it to you. Them brake lines I been a waiting on nigh on three weeks finally come in yesterday, so me and Nilda hit the road today. Guess we was so excited about finally heading north that we didn’t do as much in the way of getting all our eggs on order, which we didn’t know it when we left.
We was driven along heading nowhere in particular and getting there afore we knowed it. Nowhere that is. Seems like our map run out afore the road did, and there we was, a sitting in this narrow road which stopped ahead with one road a headin’ left and another a headin’ right. Now we rightly didn’t know which way to go, especially since both of them looked like they went nowhere and we was already there. Nilda was a gittin’ a little edgey, when I tells her to wait. Wait she says, wait for what, I.M., I’ve already been a waiting 17 minutes for you to decide which way to go.

Now if there is one thing I can’t stand it’s Nilda gettin’ upset, so to sooth her ruffled feathers I let out to her the secret of my followers. Nilda, says I, I’ve got 11 followers, or at least my blog, says so, and we just got to wait a might and they’ll be right along and one of them has got to has a map. So we set and set and set. In fact we waited most of the morning, but none of my followers ever drove up ahind us. Now I don’t know whether I got the worst bunch of followers a person could ever have or they was just a livin’ up to their names. Seems like I got some wanderin’, some a swinging on a tire, one with the name Bridget, and with a name like that I can understand why they’s lost, and then there’s the ones called RV Daydreams which they must a been a doin’ while back there and because of that, they made a wrong turn somewheres.

Now I knows there’s more of them followers out there and I was a keeping an eyeful out for them, but none of them never showed up. So if any of you readers see 11 or so RV’s alined up, but a lookin’ lost, just point them north and they’s likely to cross our path. I got to go now and see if I can get that bacteria out of my computer. I know that blog teacher feller told me my computer might catch some kind of bug, the name of which excapes me at the moment. So cross your fingers, however many you got left, and hope this here blog don’t get infected, and actually posts Wednesday nite at 11:00 it's supossed two.

A Boatin’ and a Hopin’

Now just the other day I started to tell that story about the city feller that rented that boat from Billy Bob’s Boat and Bait, but somewhere along the line I got interrupted and and never did get a chance to relate the rest of the story. I tried to find the feller that told it to us that night, but it appears he had moved on, so I’ll have to trust my memory to get all the details right.

As I recollect, I left off with the Super Sea Scuttle resting on the bottom of the bay, and that city fellar wanting to know where it was at, calling it the Super Sea Seasick. That’s when, if I remember correctly, Dumber did something that indicated he and Dumb just might have been switched at birth, unbeknownst to anyone.

Cause what Dumber does is to show mister city feller a real genuine Super Sea Skipper, the boat the feller actually wanted yesterday, but due to him dealing with them two boys, he had no idea that what he thought he wasn’t getting but got was what he thought he was getting but wasn’t. Least ways I think that’s what the feller tellin’ the story said. Then just to sweeten the deal, Dumber quotes him the rental price he should have been quoted yesterday if he had been showed the boat he actually asked for, which was half what Dumb had quoted him.

That city feller drove that boat off with a big smile on his face, a figuring he got a great deal, out smarting them two crackers, since he got a better boat at half the price. He must have been gloatin’ to much, because he comes back in about an hour, his wife along with him, and her not a lookin’ too pleased at all.

Seems like he didn’t have a clue as how to adjust the bimini cover, whatever that is, and she was apparently not a woman that wanted to sit out in the sun all day. By this time Dumber had left for his mid-morning break, and it was Dumb that was there when the fellar smashed into the dock. Weren’t no real damage done, though the fellar heard from somebody standing nearby that the boat lady darn near got throwed in the water what with the sudden stop and all. That feller standing there says she just keeps a smiling but beneath the surface there was a volcano a boilin’.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Home life

Alrighty then, bet I left you way out on limb yesterday with all that talk of houses on wheels that actually move and all, but as we was to learn over the next months, there a whole world of them buggers out running around this here big country of ours. If I just knowed then, what I know now, I wouldn't have made a fool of myself so many times since Nilda and me pulled up stakes and joined in the full time lifestyle as we now know it is called. :)

Now you got to understand that while Nilda and me wasn't hurtin' for the basics of life, some of the finer things had escaped us on occasion. While Pa was a good man to work for, being the accountant for a filling station at the end of a road that dead ends at the top of a mountain in the heart of what some say is the greatest state in these here whole United States meant that the paychecks were a mite slim at times. :)

Nilda and me made out alright though, and remembering a few tricks the head jailer in Simpsonville taught me, :) we always had money to do what we wanted. Nilda still laughs at the first time I tried the jailer's trick of cookin' the books. Neither of us could so much as even chew off a corner of a page. Then as luck would have it, he, the jailer that is, stopped at the filling station one day when Pa was gone. Recognizing who he was, as I pumped his gas, I explained my problem to him of the uncooked, cooked books to him. Consequently, after he stopped laughing, I got a quick lesson in what that term, cookin' the books, really meant. :)

Pa didn't raise no dummy, and what with him, Pa that is, puttin' more white lightening than gasoline in those tanks, he was making out like a bandit on his fuel sales. Nilda said I shouldn't feel bad, after all a man mean enough to burden somebody with a name like he had hung on me, probably was only getting what was coming to him. I wasn't sure whether I agreed with her on that or not, but I surely knew I had at least a little something coming to me for being saddled with the name
Ishbosheth Mephibosheth Vayne, even if it was straight outta Pa's bible. :)

All of which meant that, even though we lived in those three converted restrooms/outhouses in the back of Pa's filling station, there was more than enough room for me and Nilda. Plus we had more money than we needed, and a sure fire way of gettin' more if we needed it :)

Monday, February 21, 2011


Now I know I'm boring ya ta death with all this gabbin' about this city feller and his cute wife, :):) but since he's the reason me and Nilda are where we are today, with a lot of help from the Great Kiva of course, it's important for you to know. Oh, and that feller is different from the one I was tellin' you about yesterday rentin' the boat. Leastaways I think he was a different feller.

I told you I might just a wander a little in this storytellin' which is exactly what I'm a doin'. So to get you pointed in the right direction, yesterday was about some city fellar now, but today I is goin' back to tell you about that city fellar from before, the one that got lost up on the Gluch.

Alrighty then, we knowed we was kin, him being from Kentuky and all, just as I was, but to figure all them intermarriges and extramarriges out would have taken most of the day, so we slapped each other on the back, and called each other cousin.

He shore did hit it off good with me, what with him spendin' so much time rubbin' his hand after he patted me on my back. Looked to me like he was trying to get even more of me onto himself than he already had. That's what being close relatives does to you, makes ya feel like a different person when your around them. :)

Then they did something that almost made me cry, I was so happy. :) That cute little woman gets out one of those paper hankies and starts to clean a little of me off his hand so she can get some on herself. I was so full of love for those two lost sheep because of this, that I wanted to throw my arms around them both. :)

Just as I was a reachin' for them, both their eyes got as big as saucers and they started to back up. That's when I heard Nilda's voice behind me and realized her standing there with her hair all done up in curlers and her mid-morning mud pack plastered on her face had probably been a right startling apparition, to use one of Pa's big words. Anyways, we eventually got everyone introduced, though I did notice that the cute woman :):) insisted that even though she and Nilda were cousin-in-laws at the very least, she didn't want to put Nilda out, and so the cute woman :):) wouldn't take a share of Nilda's mid-morning mud pack, even though it looked to me like Nilda had enough of that green mud on her face to make a passle of pigs happy. :)

Problem is that recollecting all that beauticating Nilda was doing to make her lovely little self even lovelier just got me off track from where I'm a supposed to be blogging. Sheesh. First thing I knowed, that fellar was going on about being a full timer and I knowed right then I wasn't in his league. I'd only had to serve part of my time before they wanted to let me out, course that was back when I first got into the cipherin' business, endin' up with the Judge's paper and my lifelong profession, all of which meant I was only a part timer. :)

Then I find out he's talking about something entirely different. That mansion he's pulling behind that wimpy little truck of his, is their home. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I remembered that Luther Bigelow's youngest girl had married some fellar that worked construction somewheres out west and Luther was a tellin' tales about how they lived out of a mobile home that was actually mobile. Now I ain't never see'd a mobile home what had tires on it, but this looked something like which Luther had been a telling about, only this thing looked much bigger as best I could recall Luther's description of a mobile, mobile home. :)

Sunday, February 20, 2011

RV Park Entertainment

One of the more entertainin' things me and Nilda run into out in this life we's now a livin', is what kind of mess those city fellars that take up the mobile, mobile home life can get into. The stories you hear can be enough to like near split your sides a time or two. Nilda always likes to say that she isn’t the only one who enjoys the local gossip, I.M.’s not far behind.

As they was a tellin' it at the park wide hotdog and Cheez-It feed we had the other night, seems like a married pair of them former city dweller, full timers staying at the park decided they’d rent a boat and try emulating (getting better at them big words, aren’t I) the locals when it came to getting a share of the seafood a swimming round abouts out in the channels and beyond

Not knowing how things work here on the key, they drive down to Billy Bob’s Boat and Bait to get a rent-a-boat for the next week or so. Guess they made all kinds of arrangements for a Super Sea Skipper, outfitted a certain way that they would be a pickin’ up bright and early the next morning. All the locals knowed that Billy Bob was off on his annual Boar Hunt and Beer Bust at his wife’s family's private hunting preserve somewhere in Texas, which meant that Billy Bob had left his two boys, who the locals have always referred to as Dumb and Dumber, in charge.

When this fellar and his wife, who was described as a right cute little thing by the fellar tellin’ the story, shows up at some hour that neither of them two boys of Billy Bob have ever been up at in their lives, there weren’t no one there to help them get their boat. Guess they went off for a while a wondering if they’d got the wrong time, not knowin’ neither of them two boys couldn’t even have told them which hand of the clock was which, let alone what time it was.

As told, they come back just about the time Dumber was opening up, and asked him if their Super Sea Seaworthy was ready. Problem was they got the name of the boat mixed up, since they had asked yesterday for the Super Sea Skipper, and this morning for the Super Sea Seaworthy. Normally this wouldn’t have presented any problem as Billy Bob would have pointed out the error of their ways, and got them the boat they was a payin’ for, and sent them out towards the channel.

The feller telling the story was already a laughin’ as he was a spinnin’ this tale, so I figured it might likely get better before it ended, and it did. Seems like them two boys just couldn’t do nothin’ right, and the boat Dumb had showed them yesterday as the Super Sea Skipper was really a Super Sea Scuttle, and that one had been good as its name having sunk by the dock overnight. So when that city fellar started lookin’ around for the boat he had booked, it was nowhere to be seen.

Now the feller telling the story says Dumber isn’t always as dumb as he appears, and with some quick thinkin’ on his part, quick being relative, he says to the city feller that the boat he had reserved had already been rented out for the day, but he had an even better one that the city fellar could have for half of what he was going to pay for the one that weren’t there no more.