RV Restaurant Rendezvous 3

We’all was a standin’ there, a swayin’ back n forth hopin’ we don’t pass out, when this female person comes up, a looking like them maids you see in the movies with her black dress and white cap, apron and all. While I.M. and the other fellers was still a strangling fer a breathe, she says something that sounded like, ”Would madammozells and monsures like a seat on the furanda or in the conservastory?” Us fellers was sure she weren’t a talkin’ to us, but by lookin’ around it were discovered there weren’t no one there but us. This were not lookin’ good fer sure.

Whatsoever it were that maid lady had actually said, the next thing we knowed, we was being led to our seats on the furanda, which I hoped weren’t where them pelts was a hanging that were a smellin’ so bad. On the way one of the fellers asked the ladies what that smell were that had darned near a kilt us. To which we learned that it were what any beauty parlor smells like and had something to do with them permenances the ladies were a getting’ right regular like. No wonder Nilda was always a piling on the prefume. If myownself had to be around something that stunk that bad, I.M.’d be known as the Channel No.5 man fer sure, there’d be so much of that perfume on I.M. to cover up that smell..

Clem, I.M. sorry to have got a mite bit carried away there, but if that ain't enough fer ya, let me know and I’ll fill you in on more of what happened that day. Fer now, I.M yer favorite cousin's husband who are newlie educationed in the inner workings of a combination restaurant and beauty parlor, or at the least the smells of such. I.M. are also now a firm believer in always eatin' in the RV, mobile, moble home rather than at them restaurant place that womenfolk pick.

RV Restaurant Rendezvous 2

Hearin’ from Clem that she were a thinkin’ she could handle the lady side of the full time RV mobile, mobile home life, I.M. continuing to tell her what a typical day are like.

At last we arrived, somewhat deaf from all that carryin’s on and nonstop gabbin’ from them ladies. We had barely got stopped when them ladies like to have bolted out of the back seats of them two trucks, howsoever we fellers was a stuck to the front seats like a whole quart of super glue had been spilt under us. Didn’t mean nothin’ to them ladies and afore we knewed it, they had yanked them front doors open and was a draggin’ us’ens outta there like we was pieces of fried chicken a goin’ on the servin’ platter.

So up them steps to that combination restaurant and beauty parlor that bevy of beauties, as Henry put it, troop, a raisin’ a ruckus that could be heard a mile or more away. All the time they was a pushin', a proddin’ or a draggin’ us menfolk, dependin’ on who was where at the moment, and how close one of us men was to getting’ away. Then they had the door open and we was a bein’ swept inside like as we was caught up in a whirlwind. Unfortunately it were so quick a happenen’ we didn’t know what they’d done afore it was two late to turn tail and run fer our lives.

That were when it hit us menfolk. It being the most gaudauful smell I.M. ever did smell in myownselfs entire life. Now I.M. ain’t never been in a skunk pelt factory, but one of them had to smell sweeter than what was assultin’ our nostrils, nose, head, brain and whole body. It weren’t just one smell either, I.M. are a tellin’ y’all, it were like like some of them smells that Dirtiest Jobs feller describes on TV, or maybe even worse. All them other fellers standin’ there looked just about as green as mineownself did, but them ladies weren’t even payin’ it no nevermind.

RV Restaurant Rendezvous

I.M. back with more of me and Nilda’s daily life for Nilda’s cousin, Clementine, and her somewhat less than a pain in the butt husband who by all reports are actually thinkin’ about leavin’ his former worthless life behind and takin up the utopian life on the rode. Course once he reads the rest of this here article I.M. writin’, he may change his mind, which by all accounts should be real easy since he ain’t got much of a mind to be changed anyways. Where I.M. left off was when we’all was on our way to the combination restaurant and beauty parlor the ladies wanted to eat at, in case, like Clem’s husband most likely has, you has already forgot about it.

So there we was, all sixteen of us’ens, packed in them two monstrous dually tired pick-up trucks, a pullin’ up to something that looked more like an overstuffed dollhouse than a building a body would ever want to be a caught goin’ into. We fellers was all a lookin’ at each other, a thinkin’ oh lordy, what in thunderation have we got ourownselves into, while them ladies was a carryin’ on like a bunch of blackbirds perched atop an overturned grain truck.

That was when we first heard things that man’s ears ain’t never supposed to be exposed too. Things like Lapsang Souchon, Cupid's Arrow, Super Fine Rooibos and Gunpowder Green. Now that last one we kinda got a handle around, but them ones afore it, they was a makin' us menfolk think that the worst thing in the whole world would be to walk into that place with them ladies. So, Clem if yer a with them ladies and can read yer tea leaves to the point of a knowin’ what this talk were all about, then I.M. will write y’all some more But if you ain’t, I.M. concerned that you ain’t cut out fer this here full time mobile, mobile home life the way them ladies is a livin’ it.