End of a Typical Fulltime RV Day

This is the last installment in a series of posts about a typical day in our lives for Nilda’s favorite cousin, Clem, and my near favoritist cousin-in-law, Joe Ed, who is her wonderful husband. When I last left off, we had just returned from a typical group noon meal, and while the ladies proceeded to scrapbook, which is code for gossip, we men returned to our favorite pastime, drinkin’ beer, belchin’ and scratchin’. Leastawayswise that’s what the women think we do. Really we, we swap true life stories of what we have scene or herd while travelin’ around the country so as to make our fulltime life better.

The best way to learn about fulltiming is to do it yerself. The best way to learn not what to do is to listen to what other folks has done. That meant I picked up a few pointers on how not to back into a sight when the feller next to you has put his awning stakes in the middle of where yer a backing yer RV at 11:30 on a moonless night, and other typical things like that.

Then Nilda comes a traipsin’ back, the ladies havin’ broken up their confab, and I realizes we still ain’t got our mornin’ walk in and it’s almost dinner time. So we sets off again, but Larry and Lori were out a washin’ their bicycles, so we stopped to visit for a while. Then while we was a doin’ that, Old man Carlisle comes out, and tells Nilda that his wife is takin' cookies out of the oven, and that Nilda should head inside and pick up a few while they is still warm.

By now it has been over ten hours since we set out on our morning walk and we ain’t got by no more than seven sights, so you can see that our days is just so cram packed with activities we ain’t hardlty got time to do anything. Bout a half hour later Nilda comes out, a bag of chocolate chip cookies in her hand and a big glob of chocolate a stuck to the corner of her mouth, which is suggesting to me that all them cookies she got didn’t make it into that there bag.

At that I didn’t say nothin’, havin’ learned better years ago, and we made a beeline back to Ol’ 5th Wheel where she proceeded to whip up some leftovers fer our dinner. After that, I set down in front of this here computer to put together another episode in the true life adventures of our mobile, mobile home life, while Nilda did her usual, and sits in her favorite chair a readin' one of them books of her’s.

This writin’ business ain’t easy, even though you’d think a man of my copeeus talent would find it real easy. Sometimes what I write about comes easy, there havin’ been an embearassment of interesting things happening that day. Other times I just right about what the start of our mobile, mobile home life were like, or maybe a story one the fellers told to me that day.

Clem, I guess I’m a sayin’ that this life is different fer each of us, and if you and Joe Ed want to try it ya should. Who knows, maybe you can find out you have writin tallent like me and become just as famous. Well, maybe I ain’t exactly famous, but I.M. happy puttin’ what me and Nilda do out fer people to read. I.M., who is not only the husband of your favorite cousin, Nilda, but who is also the best friend of that wonderful husband of yours. And yes, Clem, even though it would paine me mightily, I would certainly be willin’ to sell our outstanding and highly relieabell mobile, mobile home, Ol’ fifth Wheel, to yer husband, should he be wantin' to pay me cash money.

Restaurant/hair Salon Food for RVers

This here is a continuation of a typical day in our full time mobile, mobile home life special fer Nilda’s favorite cousin, Clem, and her somewhat worthless, but eager to get into the fulltime life, husband. Where we left off with this true life tail was a headin’ for our seats in the combination restaurant/hair salon that smelt like a close cuzzin to a skunk pelt factory and where they used words that were unknowable to normal folks like me.

Now when I were a courtin’ Nilda I once took her to one of them fancy restaurants that’s got table clothes and all, but this place had more fufurry than a whole city full of them places. Plates on plates, more silver than granny Carlton had in her mouth and with glasses and cups so thin , if ya breathed hard on them they looked, like as not, they'd shatter on the spot.

But just when ya think it can’t get no worse it does. That made like lady, comes around and hands each of us something that I can best describe as a telephone book, which she calls “zee card dejoor” and which has Le Carte du Jour a writtin' on it. When I opens it up I look around and half the fellers is a holdin’ it like me and the other half is a holden it upwards down from our way.

The ladies is a laughin’ and sayin, “Oh you silly boys, it’s supposed to go this away, and trying to get everyone on the same page. I.M. going to skip most of what was in that book, Clem, mostly a'cause I don’t have a clue as to what any of it was, just like them other fellers didn’t, but here’s a samplin’.

These I thought I knowed what they was, Bangers and Mash, Quiche de la Mer, Chardonnay Poached Pear Salat, Sammon Moutard and Mussels du Jour, but as I learned, in a place like this you can't tell a book by it's cover. So what you think you is a gettin' and what you is a starin' at on yer plate is entirely different. Lets just say that I knowed my bear weren't bear and that mussle sure weren't no beef mussle, and leave it at that.

Best part was that all them ladies were a havin’ the time of there lives, a carryin’ on and a totally ignorin’ us menfolk. all of which was good cause it give us a chance to scrape that stuff on our plates onto the floor under the table, all unnoticed like. When the women is done eatin' they gits to goin’ on about the desserts, which a looking at them dishes they had piled on that cart they brung around would a probably made for a world sugar shortage if they made another cart full.

That’s when Henry pipes up with, “Henrietta, that were the best restaurant meal I think I’s ever seen, but but it sure were more than a mite fillin’ and I note you is a really fillin’ out that dress you’re a wearing, honeykins.” You’d heard a pin fallin’ through the air it got so quiet. Then Elmira Toolesaurd speaks up, her havin’ that boomin’ voice and all, ‘Well ladies, I know the men want some of these delicious desserts, but really, we need to get back to our scrapbooking, so If they don’t mind, we need to leave now.

That’s when Skinny Perkins picked up on what was goin’ on. Turnin’ to his wife and sayin’ “Kitten, I sure was lookin’ forward to the matcha tea powder coated deep fried, honey coated jickama slices, but I know yer scrapbooking is so important to you, that I’ll give them up.” Fer a moment, his Beulah hesitated and we was a wondering if maybe he hadn’t laid it on a mite too thick, but then she puts her hands together, and says, “Oh Skinny, you are the most thoughtful man alive.” At which point there was so many sighes a let loose I thought fer a second those ladies was a gonna catch on.

Clem, if ya want more on our day, just do like ya did before, and I will write more. Your favorite cousin’s husband, and friend of your husband, I.M.