Is there a RV Rally in I.M.’s Future?

Now there a couple of things about this here revival that I.M. needin’ to clarification fer y’all. First it should be notationed that all these here dispatches that I.M. has been receivin’ from Lem, which has been greatly editored to make them readable, had been received some time in the past and there were far more of them than I.M. has been able to post. It are hoped that sometime in the not so far and distance future, like tomorrow for example, I.M. will be able to post more on what took place at that shindig they were a havin’.

The second thing were what that revival as I.M. were a callin’ it really were. As it turns out, when Lem went to some of them there seminaries they was a havin’, and about which there has gots to be more written in the future as you will not believe what they were a talkin’ about in them, it turns out that it weren’t no revival, it were a rally, and so a rally are what I.M. will be referencing it as in the future.

As far as what were said at them seminaries, it weren’t nothin’ that any normal folks wouldn’t know by their ownselves either with a little experiences, by asking anyone else at a camperground, or by doin’ a little readin’ them ownselves. The key to them seminaries is to get people to pay you to say them things to them, which are where the real ability comes in. All of which has got I.M. a thinkin’ that with this bein’ such an easy way to be makin’ so money, maybe me and Nilda should be a lookin’ into havin’ our own rally sometime later this year.

I.M. will be investergating the possibilities of this, and seekin’ out those that are a doin’ it and reportin’ to y’all about it. Maybe each of us can have our oueselves a rally and make a bunch of money off them that don’t know they know more than they think they know. Anyways, as I.M. understands it from Lem, it ain’t what they say at them seminaries, it are all the fun them folks have being there with a bunch of other no nothings that are the real reason they go to these rally things. That would sure make it easy fer me and Nilda to have one of these things as we know nothing a whole lot better than most folks know nothing, and I.M. ain’t afraid to say it unlike them other folks that put on them rallies and pretend to know something but since the folks attendin’ don’t know they don’t know nothing since they themownselfs don’t know nothin’, it are okay that there are nothin’ to know at these things.

As Lem said, them folks attending these here rallies are genuine good folks, and the folks a puttin’ them on are a tryin’ their best to make sure everyone has a good time so’s they will attend the next one to make more money fer them that’s puttin’ it on. With all this in mind and after hearin’ that one of them seminaries talked about what toilet paper y’all should be usin’ and another were about what TV to stare at when it are rainin’, I knows I.M. could put one of them things on just as good or even better. After all, the answer to which TV are one that works when plugged in. And as far as toilet paper, I.M. learned early in life that them glossy catalogs don’t wipe worth a crap, so that takes care of the that. That are all fer today, but if I.M. has time to editor Lem’s last post, I.M. will give y’all a wrap-up, or maybe it will be a wipe-up, of the that there rally tomorrow.

And It Gets More Interesting

This get together that Lem were at and his dispatches from the front has I.M. a sittin’ on the edge of his seat so to speak. I.M. learnin’ so much from Lem attending this shindig that I.M. sure that me and Nilda’s life is going to be better for mealmooch havin’ done what he did.

But it ain’t I.M. y’all are a wantin’ to be hearin’ from, it are Mealmooch II, as Lem took to callin’ hisownself after a learnin’ at the hand of the master. It had been suggestered that Mealmooch write a book bout moochin’ meals, and I.M. thinkin’ I.M. just might have to pass that there iidea on to Lem, makin’ mineownself the ghost writer of that book of course. At the very least Lem and I.M. could collaboration on the definitive method of mealmooch livin’ as learned at the hand of the master for a separate post in this here blog.

There I.M. goes again, a getting’ off the subject at hand which were Lem’s latest dispatch where in he continued reporting’ on the goinn’s on at that there camperground. Later that night there was a big meetin’ type of meetin’ where the folks that don’t known much, but say they do so the ones who know even less think they know somethin’ were introductioned to everbodyone else as experts in what they didn’t know, or at least knew more than the ones that didn’t know nothin’.

All this were  lead by that non-preacher, preacher type feller, and accordin’ to Lem, if it weren’t the next best thing to to one of them up on the Gulch revivals, it were the best thing. That feller was a leadin’ that crowd through its paces, a talkin’ about how they was a gonna first be doin’ some kind of ice breaker thing, which most certainly confusioned Lem as much as he were ever confusioned in his own life. First off this place were far from the Arctic and second there surely weren’t no ice on the water, but if that feller were a day dreamin’ bout icebreakers, Lem weren’t a gonna disturb his train of thought, even it were about as far derailed as any train of thought gets.

Once that feller got warmed up the folks a listenin’ to him took  the chant up. He’d shout out something like, Alrighty then, we are going be talkin’ emotions and them folks would holler back, Alrighty then. Next he would be a calling out Alrighty then, Packin’ fer fulltimers, and them folks would shout back, Alrighty then. Lem said this went on fer a hole lot of different subjects which he will be talkin’ about in future dispatches.
When that get together finally did break up Lem, exhausted as he were from all the stuffin’ of food in his mouth and pockets, plus them exhortations and actions of the big confab, he asmost walked right by what were one of the gol darndest things Lem ever did see.

Settin’ out there was this big old box with the words, Chip In Box, written on it. Now Lem were more than aware that that there macaroni  and cheese were overcooked to the point of a nail, but this did beat all. Lem decided that most of them folks being pilgrims and not hardened to the ways of  civilization and had suffered from broken and chipped crowns when they was a chewin’ on that crusty casserole.  He figured they had been advised to toss there chipped teeth into that box and that maybe they got a dentist a comin’ later to reattach all them tooth chips them folks lost. You can bet that only a feller as smart as Lem could figure something like that out.

How the RV Revival Began

Maybe I.M. should try to straighten out a few things afore I.M. posts Lem’s next dispatch from the front. First off, what this thing Lem, Clara Belle and their horde are attending is more than a little confusioning. Lem has referenced it as a revally, which even with my limitations as to knowing big words, don’t match up with nothing I.M. could understand. Howsoever what with the description of that feller that were in charge, it come to I.M. that what Lem were a tryin’ to say were revival, like them travelin’ preacher fellers would have up on the Gulch every spring and fall.

The next thing were that food they had at that get together American meal. I.M. asked Lem bout them jello fingers to get that part clarificated, and Lem said they had that jello in red, green, orange and black, and that last color he took as the result of them mixing all the first three leftover jello colors together. Lem said he tried to take some of the them back to his horde, them young’uns of his likin' to pick up them jello sticks and wiggle them at the younges tryin’ to scare them afore poppin' 'em in their mouths. Problem was they melted in his pocket makin’ quite a mess, though he did see Clara Belle a lickin’ out his pocket after he took his shirt off afore they went to bed that night, her lovin’ jello so much and all.

And now back to our reporter in the field. As Lem tells it, after that dinner where he lived up to his name, mealmooch, he was a circulationing around them folks when he started hearin’ more tales bout this feller that were the king of all mealmoochers. Seems like this feller had perfectioned the ability to mooch meals to the heights that were never attained by mere mortal men or women anywhere before ever, ever, including mealmooch. Now mealmooch reports that instead of being jealous, he were more interested in learnin’ some new techniques if he could, the better to mooch meals fer him, Clara Belle and their brood.

Based on this intelligence, to which mealmooch applied a generous dosage of his own intelligence, or at least howsoever much Lem could summons up, he soon discovered the mealmoocher to beat all mealmoochers was a playin’ poker with the boys were that feller he had already met. Lem playin' the part of the incognito mealmooch, becomes an onlooker feller like a number of them folks standin’ around, and proceeds to do some listenin’ to the conversationing goin’ on.

It weren’t long afore a seat opened up in the game and Lem set down to pick up some pocket change, but more important to learn this mealmoochin’ at the foot of the master. By the time the game were over Lem had his self enough money to get something fer Clara Belle, her having to watch the horde and all, plus enough pointers to keep them in meals for the foreseeable future and beyond.

As he learned the key were to find somebody that were new to this here RV mobile, mobile home way of livin’ in the camperground and strike up a conversationing, mentionin’ in passing that you were some kind of expert in this type of livin’. Then just let one thing lead to another and afore ya knowed it, they would be inviting ya to share a meal with them. Based on that alone, Lem figured he, Clara Belle and the horde could afford to take up the full time RV lifestye. Then he learned that there was goin’ to be all kinds of seminaries in the next days on how to best live the mobile, mobile home life, which he knowed he would be attendin’.

A RV Revival

I.M. a thinkin’ y’all are a thinkin’ I.M. left you a hangin’ with that last post of Lem’s, but that were all Lem sent on that emale, so in fact Lem had left both me and Nilda a hangin’ just like all y’alls. It were a while until he wrote again, and in the meantime Nilda kinda took me under her wing as she told me, which considerin’ what a mite of a women she are, it weren’t much by my way of thinkin’.

What were under them wing feathers were a lesson, or maybe I.M. should say many lessons in the language of are fourbearers. Now among them lessons were the proper use of the proper terms which I.M. perposely in error used in that there last sentence. Seems Nilda was a pointing out that I.M. has a lesser command of the language than most all of I.M’s reeders and as such I.M. needs to do what are called proof reedin’ afore he posts, which I.M. and Nilda will be a doin’ in the future so as not to confusion you reeders too much.

Now that y’all know that the reedin’ of this here blog are goin’ to be easier in the future, we needs to git back to cousin Lem’s emails about that shindig he were a part of. When we last left off, which were a good bit longer ago on Lem’s reportin’ part than it were on yer reedin’ part, Lem had just received a tap on the shoulder and had turned around to be a facin’ the spittin’ image of one of them TV preachers minus the poodle hair.

Accordin’ to Lem. that feller grabbed his hand and a started shakin’ it hard enough to like as pull as it right out of the socket, all the time a sayin’ how glad he were to met old Lem. Then he stops that shakin’, and a screwin’ his face up, slowly repeats Lem’s name, Lemeul Vayne, then he starts a laughin. sayin’ maybe they are distant cousins or something like that, and then suddenly stops in his mid laugh.

Lem says he were a wonderin’ whether this were where he were uncovered, and the way that feller were a staring at Lem’s tag he were certainly that non-preacher, preacher feller were a thinkin’ so. Now we Vayne’s may not have much education, especially like them there fellers that gits them lawyerin’ degrees and all, and although I.M. certainly doesn't have one hisownself, he do have to say he are on par with any of them that’s got them accountable degrees what with the one the Judge give I.M. and all. Howsoever, we Vayne’s can talk ourownselfs way out of most anything we git ourownselfs into, which were what Lem proceeded to do. I.M. are not goin’ to be divulgin’ any of the Vayne family secrets, but Lem says it were so easy pullin’ the wool over that fellers eyes that it were like takin’ the wool from a sheep shearer.

Afore Lem knowed it, all them folks were a done eatin’ and were a gathered up among themownselves to hear that not quite lookin’ like a TV preacher feller a leadin’ the choir and and a preachin’ up a storm. That were when Lem realized he had stumbled onto the midst of one of them famous RV revivals he had heard about through me and Nilda. Apparently there are a whole bunch of different seminaries that are part of this RV revival and Lem concluded his email by sayin’ he would be bringin’ us a blow by blow description of the goin’s on through the eyes of what them folks were referrin’ to as a newby, though Lem weren't exactly sure what that were. Stay tuned for tomorrows report in which Lem promises he will have ya nominationing him fer some kid of Pulitserprise fer in the field reportin’, whatever that are.

RV Campground Cooking

Lem was about as stealthie as them bulls in a china shop are said to bee, but on acount of that masterfull desguise them young’uns created fer him, he were able to blend right in. With a little bit of snoopin’ he discovered that there were a free meal a comin’ up in a bit, which he understood were too be some kind of American Cooked Buffalo. Him never havin’ no buffalo afore, he were reelly lookin’ forward too it, along with the fact he were a gonna get to live up to his nickname of Mealmooch.

Not everybodies got the lack of tact and diplomaticy that Lem has got, but by usin’ every bit he had, he was a soon hobnobbin’ with them escaped folks like he were one of them. That were when he got his first, but not last serprise of the week. Them folks weren’t what he were a thinkin’ they were, leastaways, all but a few. They wasn't escaped folks a lookin’ fer freedom, they was just wright regular folks that had a come together fer some big confabulation to learn bout the mobile, mobile home lifestye.

Seems like there was a communal love fest a flowin’ through the hole camperground that had somethin’ to do with makin’ RV dreams come true. Lem was a sayin’ it weren’t nothin’ like them RV dreams that had a been a plaguing me and fer which that book I.M. read were a big help. These RV dreams was the kind of dreams that ends up taken ya out on the road to wanderin’ homeless up and down the rodes of are grate nation, either lost, broken down, or about to be broken down.

Lem said they was so nice he were a feelin’ like joinin’ them. Then he noted that most of them folks was a gittin’ up in years, and with the exceptioning of his and Clara Belle’s horde, their wasn’t not many young’uns to be scene. He were a showin’ his ignorrence left and write, since didn’t know much about the mobile, mobile home, though her were one of the worlds foremost xperts on the immobile, mobile home life. That were when he looked upon the menu fer the free meal he were about to mooch.

Imagination his serprize when he found out just what that American Cooked Buffalo meal reely were. As I.M. has said, Lem weren’t no grate shakes when it come to reedin’, in fact he weren’t even any lesser shakes, but he knowed enuff to know that buffalo weren’t not nowhere on the menu. A studyin’ it, he come to the realizin’ that it were some what familiar food and it were realy All American Cookin’.

It were at that pointer that Lem reelized the meal he were a gonna be a moochin’ were like readin’ from the whats what of great food.

APETTIZERS
Velveeta chunks
Teener weeners boiled in catsup
Pimentoe cheese filled celery stix
Rits crackers and cheezeWiz spred

MANE DISHES
Tuna noodle casserole crusted with tater chips
Hamburger helpless macaronie cassarole
Craft maceronie and cheese caserrole
Pigs in a blanket

VEGATABLES
Fat back boiled green beans
Boiled okra and pearl onions

DESERTS
Finger jello
Popcorn balls
Fruit cocktale
Custard cups

By this time Mealmooch were so excitable that it were causin’ a little scene around the menu what with him a whoopin’ and a hollerin’ that he hisownself were gonna eat like a king tonight and that Clara Belle and the young’uns could fiend fer they theysownselfs. It were just after he let loosen with that last one that he feels a tappin’ goin’ on at his shoulder and he turns around to be a facin’ a feller that looked just like one of them their TV preacher fellers, expetioning that instead of his hair a all poofed up liken one of them poodles, his were shorter than what are on a short haired possum pointer.

Campground Life

Dispatched from the front by yer cousin, Lemuel Erasmus

I.M. a thinking that dispatch thing were old mealmooch’s way of infectionin’ some humor into his emales. Either that or he is even further off to the right side of the starboard end of a boat than even I.M. were a thinkin’ old Lem are. But I should just be a reportering what that latest emale had in it, rather than be a trying to pier into an unpeelable mind like his.
As the afternoon ward on, more and more of them mobile, mobile homes kept a peerin’ and even them cabins around them were a bein’ occupationed by folks. Some of which were just downright weird, like that one lady that were a decorating her cabin with them pictures of snow and cats which she were a sayin’ would reminder herownself of her Hairy’s new Jersey home, whatsoever that were. What Lem had thought were gonna be a nice quiet vacation were a lookin’ more and more like the middle of one of them big city’s by the moment.

Lem weren’t sure weather to gather in his horde and lit outta there, or to just hunker down and sorta ride out the storm. It were then he membered that this here were the campground that had a bunch of folks cancellin' their reservations on account of “some big thing” a goin' on in the area that them other folks didn't want to be no part of, and by now Lem were a thinkin’ he were a lookin’ at what that “some big thing” were. With the wife a remindering Lem that there stay were free, he choiced to batter down the sails and ride it out.

As Lem and Clara Belle was a sittin’ their in there rockers, they begun to see the strangest things a taken place. Them folks they’d see’d pourin’ into the camperground must of all been escapees from some kind of institution or something like that. They begin a lining up and a getting’ some kind of identefier tag hung around they’re neck. Next they was a lookin’ at each others tag and then it were like a real lovein, what with the huggin’ and other things along that line that were a goin’ on. Clara Belle were so glad the young’uns was all down at the pool, a gettin’ chased around by the comperground mangers fer a fillin' it with fish, as this weren’t somethin’ she wanted them exposured too at they’re young and tender ages.

All these unuseful goin’s on’s was a worryin’ Lem cause as impressivable as his and Clara Belle’s brood was they could possible be damaged fer the reminder of they’re lives should the happenin’s here happen to get worster than they was at the momentary. Puttin’ on his spyin’ profile, Lem called his young’uns back and propositioned that each of them chip in a little of thereownselfs outstandin’ abilities and help there Pappy make like Maxwell Smart. (Now I.M. has gots to add here that if their ever was somethin’ that were impposible too do, makin’ old Lem out to be smart were it, but that are what he wanted to do). :)

Fer a flock of young’uns that were supossedly nieve and unversed in the ways of the world, it didn’t take them but a might to have old Lem all decorationed out so that not a one of them escapped type folks could tell that Lem weren’t one of they themownselves. Dressed out in them colorful clothes, with skin whiter lookin’ than then new Jersies snows, and a wearing that taggy thing around his neck like a feller on the gallows, he were more like them than they themownselves was like themsownselves, and with that in mind he moved out amungst them to learn what this gatherin' were all about. :)

RV-Dreamers Glossery, T-W

There sure is a whole bunch of that terminography stuff that newlies need to know, and my research has really been an educating experience, though Nilda was reminding me the other night that I shouldn't forget about my literature writin’ research, what with her being so involved in at and all, at least in the tryin’ out new ideas end of it. Guess you could say all this researching and experiementin’s got me plum tuckered out a mite.

That’s why this is gonna be the last of my glossery posts for a while, besides, writin’ all this has a givin’ me a whole bunch of ideas on other subjects pretraining to the mobile, mobile life that I can write on around my usual writin’ on our day to day livin’ and what I read in them other peoples blogs, that is.

Wished I had some kind of paper to give all them newlies that’s got this far as I knows that remembering all this readin’ matter is tuff to do. And for those that wanted me to put together a book of mobile, mobile terms, ain’t gonna happen, but Nilda did suggest I publish them all together on a page on my blog, sorta like the FAQ thing I did when I was first starting, so with some luck, you may be seeing something like that afore long.

Toad Or Dinghy
It's supposed to mean that thing your a pullin' behind your mobile, mobile home, usually some kind of geep that's supossed to allow them fellers to drive out in the middle of nowheres to enjoy the joys of nature in places that there's more of them geeps than mice at a spillt bag of seed. I don't rightly know where them two names, toad and dinghy, come from, but the way some folks hightail it down the road you'd a think that toad was a hoppin' after them instead of them a pullin' it, so maybe that's it. Course all this don't mean squat when were a talkin' bout them Motor Coach people cause they is usually pulling a geerage on wheels ahind them with more vehicles in it than a car show's got.

Underbelly
This is a regional term that is not often used in the far west, but is highly likely to be seen in Alabama, Georgia and Tennessee. Its also much more to be seen at them little backroads camp places that me and Nilda favor but you don't often see tourists at, cuz just the locals know about them and camp there. Some of them underbellys gets so big you wonder what all they is a coverin' up. That's why we like camps that's got a swimming hole, cause when them old boys come a waddlin' down to the water, they's often got so much underbelly a hanging down it looks like they don't got no swimmin' trunks on themselves when we’re a looking' at 'em towards the front. Course you ain't never lived till you've see a woman in one of them bikini things with a huge underbelly. Now top to bottom that a site you’ll nigh on likely never forget.

Winterize
This is one of them things folks who live up in the far frigid north near the Arctic circle in places like Michigun has to do every fall. Seems like they just dump everything out, then turn around and fill everything back up. Like they replace the clear water in the drinkin' tank with some pink stuff that no one would ever want to drink, which by my way of thinkin' is exactly why them Detroit motor car companies all got in so much trouble. Now if them motor zecutives had a been drinkin' some good home distilled spirits instead of that pink stuff they'd all a stayed bright eyed and bushy tailed instead of sleeping at the switch when all them cars started a coming over acrost the ocean. Seems to me like the mobile, mobile home industry was a forecasting them Detroit car companies demise with that pink stuff they was a using, long afore the people in Detroit and Warshingtun that's supposed to know about that kind of thing ever caught on. Guess you should never pay no never mind to anyone from Michigun that drinks pink stuff, especially all my cousins that went up there to work in them auto plants and is now a jealous of me and Nilda’s a livin' the good life cause I staid home and made something of myownself. Guess the real key to winterizing is to be right smart like me and live where it's warm in the winter so you don't have to winterize.