Nilda at the beauty parlor

Nilda was peeking over my shoulder last night when I was a writing away, and she asked why I was so busy writing about myself when this was supposed to be a blog about what we did everyday so all our relatives could sort of follow along on our travels. I suspect I should start doing what she asked me to do,  telling you about a day involving Nilda herself, and one of the few banes of my existence, which is Nilda’s weekly visit to the beauty parlor.

That woman has always been a real looker, sort a like a snowflake that has landed on a manure pile. And as long as I’ve know her she has to get herself all rebeautified each week at the beauty parlor. Something that’s easy when you live up on the Gulch, but not so easy when you are traveling all around the country. Course the fact that sorry excuse for a 5th wheel that we live in is breakin’ down all the time, makes for longer stays where ever we might be, and so Nilda can kind of fit in with the local ladies.

Seems like every time she comes back, she’s got some new notion in her head about somewhere we should go, or something we should see or do. This time it was something different. Seems like the ladies had been talking food, each of them goin’ on about what their favorite recipe was, and one of the ladies, who was also staying at the same RV park we was temporarily marooned at, said her husbands favorite was chocolate moose, something he had in a fancy restaurant one time, but that she had never cooked.

None of them ladies had any idea as to how to fix it, but as this lady described it, it was mighty flavorful and creamy. Now Nilda’s Ma was one of those females who thought her girls needed exposure to the finer things to be prepared for life, and as such, they sometimes had the most gawdauful concoctions laid before them at the table. I learned right quick, when I was a hot and heavy after Nilda, that Sunday dinner, or any meal for that matter, needed to be over at our place, or just any place other than where ever Nilda’s Ma was cookin’.

Problem was that adventuresome streak rubbed off on Nilda, and there’s been times when even the dogs turned their noses up at the leftovers. Some weeks back we  got a package in the mail from Nilda’s next older sister, Neldia. (Thank goodness her Ma and Pa didn’t save that one for Nilda) And in the box, among other things once we got through all the barely used Sears catalog pages they used for packaging, was some dried deer lips, which their mother had always considered some sort of delicacy.

I figured that Neldia had sent them to Nilda cause even if Nilda threw them out, maybe there were some dogs in our RV Park that had never tasted anything like them. Nilda, bless her sweet little heart has always been frugal, and so instead of throwing them out, she just tucked them in the back corner of a cabinet. To show the way her mind works, when she heard about that chocolate moose, she immediately remembered those dried deer lips, cause to her a moose and a deer was about as close cousins as one could have. Kinda like Nilda and Aunt May Jo Beth’s girl, Hilda. As they always joked, except for one slightly bent line they could be identical twins. (Nilda finally had to explain that one to me, saying, “It’s the difference between an H and an N, you big dummy.”)

Given all this, those lips were cooked for four days to soften ‘em up a might and get the gelatin, as she called it, all boiled out. Then came three packages of chocolate pudding mix, a box of leftover chocolates from Valentine’s Day, Nilda always being watchful of here waistline, a couple of egg whites, and also part of a sack of sugar.  She was a hummin’ and a smilin’ as she stood there for what seemed like hours, a cookin’ that mixture to what was supposed to the perfect consistency.

That night she was near bustin’ her bust buttons as she set a big bowl of that chocolate moose down in front of each of us. I thought I remembered her saying when she came back from the beauty parlor, that that fellar had ate his chocolate moose for dessert. Now here she was a servin’ it as the main course, but Nilda had  trained me over the years to believe that she knew best, so I didn’t say a thing. Now you know the most amazing thing about that chocolate moose? There wasn’t a single dog in that RV park that would eat it when we threw it out.

Mobile life frustrations

In case there is anyone reading this here blog, I just upgraded the FAQ section, which can be found under IMPORTANT STUFF on the left hand side of the page. Don't ask me why its that way, I didn't design this blogger thingy I'm using to write this blog.

Still, it looks like this here blogging thing is going to be a snap, which was just what Martha Jane's former boss's wife's niece told my wife, Nilda. Martha Jane being Nilda's former co-worker at Bentley's Best Beads where both of them worked for a week or so a few Christmas's back. :)

Anyway, Martha Jane's former boss's wife's niece, I think her name was Rebecca Sue, she had a girl that went up to the big city and got hitched to a feller that was into computers. One thing led to another and today I sit here at this keyboard pouring my life story and all the wonderful experiences we had on the road from Gompers Gulch, Kentucky to out here in the middle of nowhere, which is where our 5th wheel is currently located, broke down, again. :(

I'm gonna get all mixed up in telling you these stories, cause what come first didn't always lead to what came second, or even third for that matter. Hope you don't matter a little if I jump around a mite, but maybe when it's all said and done it will make sense. Like uncle Zeke always said, "I.M., you got a heap of sense rattling around in that head of yours, you got containers and cabinets full of mighty interesting stuff in there, its just a shame they never put the cabinet doors on." :)

Alrighty then, this mobile life is pretty nice, at least during the times when the mobile part is really mobile and not broke down. :) Back when I was a kid you had orphanages for orphans. A place they could go and get what they needed to live a normal life. Sheesh.

Now we got one of them orphans, which is what they call our 5th wheel, which as we have found out, is one of the least mobile of mobile homes. I know we was blinded by its beauty, it price, and its availability the moment we saw it, but just like them sea fellars got a albatross around the neck and ended up at the bottom of the ocean, we got our 5th wheel which is a weighing us down to the point where I'm seriously considering shooting it and starting over. :)

Only problem is that Nilda is so attached to her modern kitchen and indoor privy, that she'd probably rip the gun out of my hands and shoot me before the smoke could clear. Guess that's really what this blogging thing is for, to let me pour out my frustrations (another of Pa's big words) so's that Nilda and me can live peaceable even when our mobile life style is more immobile than mobile. :)

First Blog Post

My first day at this blogging thing, so I thought I'd start with what I know best and just talk about me. :)  Some might say yesterday was my first day. Sheesh. But , it weren't no real blogger writing, just me puttin' a few thoughts down to help kick start the words a flowing. Guess it's like Grandpappy always said, "Ain't nothin' like a good kick in the pants to get that gleamy eyed dreamer to do something useful for a change."

Alrighty then, In case you're wondering just who it is that's leading you down The Highway to Travel Heaven, I had a Pa that was big into reading the bible, even if he didn't ever get past third grade. He just loved them big words and would roll them off his tongue for hours. That's how I got named Ishbosheth Mephibosheth Vayne. :)

Now before you laugh, :) at least I got a name that no one else in the family has, what with three cousin's named Billy Bob and about a half dozen Sallie Mae's thrown in for good measure. Like Grandpap always said, "Boy, when you was named, they through the book away."

Didn't take long for Pa to figure out the he'd made a mite of a mistake in the naming business, but since I was his first born, he weren't a gonna change my handle no how, no way. Ma wanted to call me Ishy, but Pa wouldn't have none of it cause to him it sounded sissified. :)

Finally he come up with what I been known as all my life, or as he liked to say, "A name that's got two good strong pillars to build a life on.", I.M.. So that's what I've been known as all these years, just my initials, "I.M.". Pa may have had a little problem in the beginning, but that change made my life a lot better. Sheesh.  I could have been Ishbosheth Mephibosheth Vayne, :( or should Ma have gotten her way, Ishy Vayne, :( instead I'm just old, plain and simple, I.M. Vayne. :)

In the Beginning

Every RV-Dreamer has a beginning, and I remember the beginning of my life, well maybe I don't remember from first hand experience exactly, but Pa sure did like to tell everybody how it come about. :) Seems he had been out checking his opossum trap on a day when the snow was thigh deep and the weather was nastier than sittin' in a two holer in a blizzard with the door open.

Anyways, Pa says he comes traipsing back, stomping and a flailing around on the porch, and when he throws the door open, there sits Ma afore the fire. Seems Pa was a blowin' on his hands tryin' ta warm 'em up when he takes a real gander at ma, or at least at what ma was doing. Seems she had some holes in her clothes where holes weren't supposed to be, :) and she was fixin' to do something about them.

This was where Pa, rest his sorry soul if by some chance ya got it up there Lord, anyways here Pa always let out the biggest laugh he could. And then Ma, rest her poor Soul Lord, cause I know you got it up there, would turn every shade of red a female woman could, and some shades most females couldn't . :) Seems like her longjohns had been letting in more than a mere mite of air, and all at a place where air wasn't supposed to be enterin'.

That's the point where Pa always said he got the gleam, and Ma says what went on after that was akin to a dream. Everybody up on the mountain has heard the rest of what went on that night so many times, that I don't need to repeat it, cause there's no way I could ever tell it as good as Pa, especially whenever he would get to the part about more than just air entering in that spot. :)

Alrighty then, so my life began with a gleam and a dream, and for most of my days I was cussed out for dreamin' of a gleamin' when I should'a been a doing other things, but now, to quote that great Kentukian, two score and seven years ago I was brought forth, and by gum, I'm a gonna live that dream and if you follow along, so might you too. :)