Lem's Campground Report

Sent visa emale by Lemeul Erasmus Vayne

Wezals arived et this hear campersgund place lat at nite. It wer a rite nice place, what with actural in type out hous’s and lots of happi folks al round.

As y’all can see by the fourgoin’, cousin Lem ain’t got commandment of the english langwedge the way I do, so rather than subtrafuge you to Lem’s deciferable writin’s. I.M. goin’ to have to reword it a might. I know Lem won’t mind since he can’t reed worth a lick in the first place, and any beneficials will be fer my reeders. Nilda has also said she would help me undecifer the most deciferable parts of Lems emales, so as too allow my reeders to get a feel fer the real flavor of Lems observatory’s. Since he weren’t plannin’ on sendin’ me any food, I.M. not sure as to what flavors Nilda were a referencing too, but if it are understandable too you, then it are okay two me to.

After a long day of travel, we arrived at a lovely campground in the late evening. The glow of the setting sun and the sound of the insects were in the air as we checked in at the office. Not only was the office staff pleasant, the campers we met on the way to our site were smiling and waving to us as we passed by. The children, needing to use the restrooms after the long drive, marveled at the indoor setting and modern sanitary conditions. We are looking forward to a relaxing and restful vacation.

That were Nilda’s transposition of what Lem wrote, and after reedin’ it, I can’t fer the life of me see what she said were what he said, and versa visa. From now on I.M. takin’ suggestionings from Nilda, but I.M. gonna be doin’ the tonsilationing of Lems emales fer you.

The next mornin’ we gits up, lookin’ forward to havin’ the best vacation we’s had in years. This camperground, which the folks hear abouts referfence too as a RV Park, has got lotsa mobile, mobile homes put out in little spaces all lined up like domminos side by side. They’s also gots all kinds of wires and tubes a runnin’ to them, and if we knew better, which we don't, we’d think they was on life support like all them folks on that Grays Anatomical TV show is.

Another thing we notated was just how friendly many of them folks was. We’d be a sittin’ out in front of the cabin, the kids havin a good time tryin’ to level the playground area or splash all the water out of the them pools they got. They had a couple of pools, one of which the young’uns weren’t a supposed to be around as it were explaned to us, but since ya had to be able to reed to know which were which, and that weren’t my little darlin’s strong point, they just enjoyed the both of them all buy there lonesomes.

As we was a sittin’ their, another of the mobile, mobile homes would come drivin’ in, then the fun would often begin. It seemed like half them folks don’t even know which side of the sterrin’ wheel to grab when yer a backin’ one of the things up. Down on the mountain we learned how to drive and menauver anything with wheels afore we could reed and right. These folks might be able to reed and wright, but they didn’t have a clue when it come to menmovering them RV’s, as they were a referencing there mobile, mobile homes.

I.M., I will emale you tomorrow with what I seed goin’ on later in the day when all of this bunch of folks got into something akin to one of them lovein’s they usta have back when them hippity folks were furst popular in the 1960’s. And a lookin’ at more than a few of them folks here, that hippity part of them has expanded to the point that gittin’ through a door could be a chore.

Yer cousin, Lem, (and his horde as the wife’s Grandpap likes to refer to our bunch of young’uns).

Cousin Lem and How He Got into Camping

I.M. got an emale from my distant cousin, Lemeul Erasmus, about the gosh darndest thing he run into last week, which I doo believe y'all might find ingenuitive of how some folks live this here full time mobile, mobile, home lifestye. Seems he was a callin' to confirmation the rezervations fer his family's annual, spring break fling and renewed lifestye holiday, when he up and discovered their had been a mixup. Seems that Lem had made them rezervations when him and the family left this same palace last year, only to discover that the hotel clerk had writ his name down wrong, a meaning that their were rezervations made fer this year, but they weren't his.

I guess it took a while to discover all this, but once them folks at that place, which Lem and his family had stayed at several times in the past, got the name right, they sure did remember him as well as Clara Belle and the kids, makin' Lem feel right sorry about the way them kids of his had just about tored the hole place apart while havin' their scavenger hunt the night afore they left last year. Then the hotel feller told Lem the bad news, that the place had become infested with some kind of killer spider, such that the authoritories wanted the whole place quartertined fer a couple weeks, and because of that they didn't have no rooms fer Lem and his family this year.

That made a big problem fer old Lem, since findin' another place fer him, Clara Belle and their herd of youngun's weren't gonna be easy at this last minute. Since it were really the place they was a stayin' at's fault, Clara Belle commenced to git on the phone to them, and one'st she got a done bellowerin' and a snortin', them spider hotel folks were out a scourin' the countryside fer a place where all of Lem's bunch could stay.

When they call'd back, all's they could find, this bein' one of the busiest times of the year in that area, were a campground that had a bunch of folks cancellin' their reservations on account of some big thing a gonin' on in the area that these other folks didn't want to be no part of. Guess they still had a few cabins available, along with three tent sites, and with Lem and Clara Belle being so interested in how me and Nilda live, they took them, hopin' there were enuf room fer the hole family to enjoy a camping vactation which they had never had.

This place were over the south border of Kentucky, but since that spider place was a payin' fer Lem and his families stay on the condition they vacationed in some other place in the comin' years, Clara Belle said it were in there best interests besides savin' them a ton of money, so they agreed even though they likes to spend there vacination money within the Commonerwealth of Kentucky. Lem said there it were after dark when they got there, so he weren't exactually sure what the name of the place were called, but he thought it were the Giver Pine Nation or somethin' close to that, and after what he saw a goin' on there, over the next few days, it were that and more.

Now Cousin Lem weren't exactly the stickiest section of flypaper on the roll, but he had the Eggrets eye when it come to observing goin's on's and all. With that in mind, I paprose to make his mixed up emale scribblin's more illegible fer ya so ya can understand them better. I.M. thinkin' it will give all my realatives a readin' this blog a look at this full time life from the eyes of one that can't read or rite a lick, nor can he think much better than he can't reed or wright. An to them cousin's a wonderin' if this is "old mealmooch" Lemeul, yes it is, so if'n there's any freebies to be had at this campground, I experts heel be lettin' us know over the next few days. So fer the week or so I.M. will be postin' what Lem sends to me. Sides it will give me a brake from havin' to writ myownselfs posts each day, what with my TIP IN box bein' so empty and all.

The 001 Series Fer Them That Don’t Know Nothin’

Theres been several different fellers that’s told me, "I.M., you is so knowingable bout this mobile, mobile home life that you ought to be teachin’ a class on it at these here campgrounds where you is a stayin’ at". I did mention it to one campground owner feller, and when he got done a laffin’ he said that, with what he knowed about me, I’d do a lot better down at the Friday night armatur night at the Laff a Minute club than afore a campground audience.

I thought about what he said fer a while, but ya know, that there electrical end of these mobile, mobile homes ain’t something I’m much up on. I knows them wires and switches pretty good, but when it comes to coils, armaturs, motors and such, I’m mostly lost. Asides, I knows so much about most every other mobile, mobile home thing, theirs no way I could say it all in just a minute or so like they want at that club place.

But then I just naturally stumbled acrost an outlet for all this knowledge thats a burstin to be loosed on a audience just hunguran for words of widsdom like I got. Problem is when they go a lookin’ on this Internet thing, they keeep a runnin’ into all them 101’s. RV 101, Fulltiming 101, RV’ing 101, why theres more 101’s on the Internet than some states got signs fer that road. Problem is, them 101 courses and such is way over the head of most folks just a starting out in the mobile, mobile home life. Which is why I’m startin’ a new serous of infomative posts aimed specially for them folks, the ones with empty brains, just a beginning the long trek down the fulltime trail. I’m a naming it "The 001 Series Fer Them That Don’t Know Nothin’.

Rememberin' what my cousin, Billy Bob, the one that is in the marketing business, had learned me about marketing, I knowed it would be best to shorten my title too “001 SFTTDKN” fer short, which is a lot catchier and easier to remember that it's regular name, which is why they use them acronimglyphics in the first place. I played around with them numbers and letters fer a while, when I come up with one that was short on size, but long on action.

I showed it to Nilda and she laughs and says, she’ll answer me with of her own acronimglyphics. IMURASTDKN. Mine had said IMASTDKN, and her answer was a puzzlin’ me, and even more so when she suggests we should maybe do some more research for my literatary writin’. Just what the one had to do with the other, I never knowed.

Sorry I got oft track their but them females can do that to man when he’s leastaways unexpectationing it. I also decisioned that two much of that anachronisim thing was gonna cause me more problems than it solved, so I’m just a gonna call it “Mobile, Mobile Home Life, The Hole Story.” With the subtitle, “I.M. fillin’ yer mind with all he knows.”

I were so excited to come up with what might be the greatest infomative websight to ever capture the minds of the mobile, moblie home community, that I rush off to call cousin Billy Bob, the family marketing jeaneus. He were busy, but as soon as he could take a brake from his marketing job at his Grandpap's roadside toothpaste and toilet brush stand, where he hides and makes sure them city feller tourists put money in the jar when they take something, he called me back.

He were just as excited as I were, I goin’ on about how I even give him an idea fer a new slogan fer there stand, “Take care of both ends with one stop.” Maybe I is a wasting my time on this blogger thing and oughta be a writtin’ advertisin’ copy like them beauty palor ladies was a suggestin’. But fer now I’ll just stick to what I knows best, so start a looking for a serous of infomative articles on the mobile, mobile home life and how to live it the write way, comin' soon on this here blog.

I.M. Opt-editiertorializer

As I understands it from Nilda, her a readin’ the Huffing Post, the Drunge Repost,and both the New York and Warshington Slimes, are so she gets all the news that ain’t fit to reed from the webslights and newspapers of irrelavants, as they like to call themselves. She says hearin’ both the literal and the consternation sides of the specterum makes her a more roundered individual. And Nilda, being little more than skin and bones, needs all the roundin’ she can get, though not as much as cousin Mick has got.
 
Biased on all that, I has begun to finally understand the Opt-editiertorial and just what I should be doin’ to make it happen. With that in mind I will forthwith hereafter immediately post haste be presenting my first Opt-editiertorial.

RV Blogs, an Opt-editiertorial by M.I. Enyav

When in the course of mobile, mobile home blogs, it becomes necessary for one people hisownself to dissolve the practiced blands which have connectioned them blogs with one another, and to assume among the powers of the blogoshphere, the deseparate station to which the un-natural laws of mobile, mobile home blogging has enchained them, the decent prospect to the opinions of them bloggers requires that he should declare the causes which impel them to be separated from their former ways.

He holds these truths to be self-evident, that all folks are definitely not created equal in writin’ ability, that they are endowed with unattainable writes, among them bein’ any right spellin’, grammer and punctuatin' that might happen. That to secure these writes, followers is instituted among blogs, deriving their juxtaposition from the comments of the followed. That whenever this form of followin’ becomes deductive of these blogs, it is the right of that people person to alter or to abolish them blogs, and to institute a new blog movement, laying its foundation on such lack of principles and bein’ so disorganized in its form, as to them that read it, it shall seem most likely to effect their insecurity and unhappiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that blogs long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience has shown, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, them blogs that are insufferable, than to write themselves, thereby a watchin' the blogs to which they is accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same objection convinces one that such a bunch of blogs is absolute disparate confusionism, it is the right, it is the duty, to throw off such blogs, and to provide new blogs for the future of insanity.

Therefore, the representatives of these here blogs, in general confusion, dis-assembled, and apallingly bein’ judged by the bloggin’ world for the irrectitude of their inactions, do, in their names, and by no authority of the mobile, mobile home bloggin’ world, solemnly publish and declare, that these mobile, mobile home blogs are, and if write, otta be free and independent of abject confusionism, that they are abolished from all allegations of claimin’ to be the best blog, and that all practical connection between them and the status of confusionism, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and idiosyncrasy blogs, they have full power to happy hopes, concluding participles, contracting conjunctions, establishin’ commenterys, and to do all other actual things which idiosyncratic blogs may of write do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm resilence to the established blogs, it are mutually pledged to write about the lives and fortunes of the mobile, mobile home world, whatever they may be, to the best of our honor.

That are what I understands to be a Opt-editiertorial, and Nilda says that after a reedin’ it ya should be glad that mobile, mobile homes and mobile, mobile home blogs weren’t around in 1776, or the declaration of independence may have had an entirely different connotationing and wordin’. :)

Signed
M.I. Enyav
Opt-editiertorializer

Editertorial

Now that we’s got the Great Bird Blog incidental out of the way, and things is back to normal, I will take up where I left off. Well, maybe before I do I should backtrack just a might for them that weren’t part of all that brewlala. You’d a thought that from some of the communists that folks posted in the communists section under that second Bird blog post, that birds were fer a lookin’ at, rather than fer bein’ ate.

There’s bird dogs alrighty, but a bird watchin’ dog, who ever herd of such a thing. I’ll show ya good bird dog with a big old fat duck a hangin’ out of its mouth, but I bet you ain’t never see'd a bird watchin’ dog, one of them fluffy prudles, all decked out with a hat and sunglasses and with a pare of byknockulors a hangin’ around it’s neck. Not a gonna happen, mostly cause their ain’t no such thing.

All of this is a causin’ me to once again brake knew ground in the fulltime RV mobile, mobile home bloggin’ world. While many of the bloggers and all of those, "I’ll help ya become a fulltimer" webslights is after yer money so they’s can fulltime, (even if you can’t) me and Nilda believes in travelin’ our own rocky roades of life. Them other webslights is into the, lets all get along and be just one big happy family contraceptive. Course they’s that's a leadin' it is likey as not to be the happyest of the bunch, namely on account of it bein’ their good fortune of a havin’ there followers fortunes fund their own fortunates way of livin’.

Cause of that, needin' to make money, you ain’t a gonna be presented with nothin’ but the high glossy varnished facts, buffed to a high shine at them places. Fancy jobs, a palacial mobile, mobile home, drop out of one life and into the other and they’s a gonna tell ya how to live the lifestye of the fulltimer. Now ya is a seein’ why this here post is a titled, Editertorial, it ain’t something you ain’t never gonna see on most of them sights that is supposed to be a helpin’ ya fullfill yer RV mobile, mobile home wants and yer about to be new lifstye, dreams.

Nilda were the one that told me about this here editertorail contraceptive where I can rite opinionated peaces to educate the untellectual, hybirdize the purists and help eradikate any of them painful to read webslights that’s still a croppin’ up now and then, out their. With that well tucked somewheres in my massive mucus filled mind, I will upon occasionally be bringing you up to date on the things goin’ on in the mobile, mobile home world instead of just a boarding you to death every day with the stories of me and Nilda’s daily doin’s.
Howsoever, along with the editertorializer, there is, accordin’ to Nilda, a Opt-editiertorializer, which I.M. is also supposed to be, leastaways accordion to Nilda.

Nilda says it is a pro and con thing, but since I don’t follow professional sports, neither them that’s in it nor them's that usta be in it, I ain’t much up on the current batch of pros and cons, so I’ll just have two encoach upon that subject in a different way.  Another thing Nilda mentioned were a doing a litaturary criticals of some of my followers blogs.

I.M. thinking I’ll just let that one rest in the mush of my brain fer a while, purculationing and regurgitatin’ till we see what might come out of it. I just wish I had time to tell you about all the things we see a goin’ on around us as we live this here RV mobile, mobile home lifestye. Folks is always a thinkin’ bout how much greener the grass is on the other side of the manure pile. They just forgets that someone had to shovel a bunch of manure to make it look green. All of which would make a good editertorial in and of itsownself.

My Cousins, Mr. Mick and Ms. Mary

What with their bein' some degree of curiosity about my family and all, I were a thinkin' I.M. should write about some of the imported relatives I.M. has got. Knowin' there ain't no way to right about all of them, I picked out a few and over the next couple of weeks will try to lowlight the lives of some of them. Since Mick really sticks out, I.M. a commencin' with him.

When this cousin, Mick, of mine were born it weren't knowed if he were gonna turnout an angel or somewhat different, so his Pa come up with the moniker of Michael Angelicus Dionysus figuring he'd have that boy a covered whichsoever way that young'un turned out.

Then somewheres along the line, Michael Angelicus Dionysus got changed into Mick. No one seems too remember exactly how Mick come to be called Mick, and fer all I knows it could be because when he were a little sprout he bored a resembellence to Mickey Mouse, especially the way his ears stuck out. At the last reunion I herd Uncle Wilbur askin' Mick what circumferance he were, so you can see that his ears ain't no longer his most outstanding charteristical.

From the beginnin' Mick were a real hard worker, and afore he were knee high, he were standin' an the downtown corner of the Gulch a passin' out the local newspaper, The Gulch Monthly Guardian and Free Press. By the use of hisownselfs  injaknewity, it weren't long before he were a major clog in the operation of that paper. As to what he did, nobody knew, but he soon had his name on the mastiff of that rumor rag as it were commonly referred too.

Problem being that with it only comin’ out on a monthly basis and being free to boot, it didn't take all that long afore Mick were an ex-newspaper man which sort of made him a four runner of what is now happenin' in the newspaper world. Course when ya look at the high qualities of journyism being produced by blogs such as mine today, it ain't no wonder them newspapers is in trouble.

Mick were able to take what he had learned in the newspaper business and use it to his own  advantagous, as he were able to git a job helpin' Elmer the plumber, takin' over the outhouse pumpin' end of the business, something that he were able to dovetail into the fulltime life once he and Ms. Mary took off on they're adventure of there own after seein' how well it worked out fer Nilda and me.

It took a while, but it weren't long afore Mick had Ms. Mary all a trained up in the outhouse pumpin' business and they were a doin' the work campin' thing with Mick a handlin' the campin' end and Ms. Mary the workin' end. I knows yer a wonderin' how that could some about, so maybe I.M. should fill you in a little on things. In the first place, little ain't exactly the way to describe Mick, him bein' from the side of the family that seemed to favor the bulky branch of the Vayne line. At leastaways that were the way Grandpap were always a puttin' it whensoever we would have one of them regular family reunions.

They'er was always a couple of tables that had a double layer of plankin' on the seats, and it didn't take long afore we all knowed them was where that size of the family sat, though spreadout probably were probably a better description of all of them a sittin' there, cheek to cheek, both top and bottom, than a sayin' they "sat". It were my first instantaneous of hearin the word butterball used, and to this day, I still ain't got it exactly figured out, but that were what them on that side of the family were referenced as. I guess it had somethin' to do with a butter fixation as they did slather it on everything.

That brings ya up two near the present, and why I.M. tellin' ya all this is 'acause Mick, while he give up the newspaperin' business fer good, has still got his hand into writin' at times. Fer some reason he has takin' a shine to me and Nilda, and has been a sendin' me reports of what he and Ms. Mary is up two and the things they sees along the rodes of life. And what with him and Ms. Mary spendin' most of there time out in the farther west and all, it might give ya a different perspiration on things. Some of what he wrights makes fer write good reedin, not as good as what I right, but it are something I might be a postin' on accasional, after I makes it more readable, of course, him not being the grate righter I.M.are.

RV-Dreamers Glossery, P-T

I know you folks think all this faboulus information you been a getting’ in these here glossery posts is all my doing, but it ain’t really so. I couldn’t a done it without Nilda and her a telling me that the only way to get better at this written thing was to sit down in front of the computer and a just a commence a typing, and let whats gonna come out, come out.

I’ve also been doin’ some research as the more you know about a subect, the easier it is for us great writers to whip it into something that ordinaryly folks like you can quickly understand. Nilda’s been a spreading the word agin to the womenfolk, both in town and at the place we is a stayin', the result of which has been some nice right comments about my writn’, like the feller that stopped by the other night and mentioned how he had learned things he never thought he would ever see and it were my unique point of view, to use his words, that did it. Sure does make a body feel good to get a compliment like that totally unexpected.

Pitch-In
As I had it explained to me, this used to be way of describin' a mobile, mobile home campground get-together, usually by pitching-in and bringin' a covered dish, casserole, or something else you hope nobody eats so's you can take home all the leftovers and eat fer a spell without havin' to cook. Now I understand its got another meaning about the full time life many RV-Dreamers got a mind to be lividn. So now it also means supportin' some city feller that don't think he ought to have to work like the rest of us ordinary folks, so's he can live it up in all them nice places you'd like to be a visitin' but can't yourself because you got to work to support both yourownself and him, then he blogs about it so's you'll know what you is a missin' out on. Now I don't know bout you, but two me it looks like he are most likely the smartest mobile, mobile home feller there is in this while blogger world.

Shore Power
This is one of them electricity things that attracts newlies like a lantern by a sour mash still attracts moths. Some of them even has to try to back-in as many as three times afore they smack into it real good. Guess they just don't know they's got a cord that will reach to it.

Snowbird
When we first heard tell about these winter snowbirds, we was surely a puzzled. Pa taught me my huntin' skills at an yearly age, plus Nilda had always been partial to birds as well as nye on being one herself what with all the other fellers a callin' her a real good lookin' chick when we was a sparkin'. Then we learned that all them white things a wanderin' around in them gawdauful lookin' clothes were them snowbirds, which people from the artic parts of the country down to the south fer the winter. Now I hear they's also a talkin' about summer sonbirds, but since Nilda and me ain't never had no young'uns I ain't got figured out yet just exactly what these sonbirds is supposed to look like.

Tail Swing
It's when that gal a clutchin' onto to you for dear life at a hoedown or hootenanny gets real big into the music and is a makin' you swing her wide so there parts of her clothin' bein' elevated to near improper levels. It comes from what them fellers a standing alongsides the wall that ain't got no girl to hold onto is a sayin' amongst themselves about what's happening in front of their eyes. I don't rightly understand why them fellers was a wanting me to put this in here, especially since it don't have nuthin' to do with mobile, moble home livin', but at least them newlies now know what it is if'n it ever comes up in a fireside confab.