This here is a continuation of a typical day in our full time mobile, mobile home life special fer Nilda’s favorite cousin, Clem, and her somewhat worthless, but eager to get into the fulltime life, husband. Where we left off with this true life tail was a headin’ for our seats in the combination restaurant/hair salon that smelt like a close cuzzin to a skunk pelt factory and where they used words that were unknowable to normal folks like me.
Now when I were a courtin’ Nilda I once took her to one of them fancy restaurants that’s got table clothes and all, but this place had more fufurry than a whole city full of them places. Plates on plates, more silver than granny Carlton had in her mouth and with glasses and cups so thin , if ya breathed hard on them they looked, like as not, they'd shatter on the spot.
But just when ya think it can’t get no worse it does. That made like lady, comes around and hands each of us something that I can best describe as a telephone book, which she calls “zee card dejoor” and which has Le Carte du Jour a writtin' on it. When I opens it up I look around and half the fellers is a holdin’ it like me and the other half is a holden it upwards down from our way.
The ladies is a laughin’ and sayin, “Oh you silly boys, it’s supposed to go this away, and trying to get everyone on the same page. I.M. going to skip most of what was in that book, Clem, mostly a'cause I don’t have a clue as to what any of it was, just like them other fellers didn’t, but here’s a samplin’.
These I thought I knowed what they was, Bangers and Mash, Quiche de la Mer, Chardonnay Poached Pear Salat, Sammon Moutard and Mussels du Jour, but as I learned, in a place like this you can't tell a book by it's cover. So what you think you is a gettin' and what you is a starin' at on yer plate is entirely different. Lets just say that I knowed my bear weren't bear and that mussle sure weren't no beef mussle, and leave it at that.
Best part was that all them ladies were a havin’ the time of there lives, a carryin’ on and a totally ignorin’ us menfolk. all of which was good cause it give us a chance to scrape that stuff on our plates onto the floor under the table, all unnoticed like. When the women is done eatin' they gits to goin’ on about the desserts, which a looking at them dishes they had piled on that cart they brung around would a probably made for a world sugar shortage if they made another cart full.
That’s when Henry pipes up with, “Henrietta, that were the best restaurant meal I think I’s ever seen, but but it sure were more than a mite fillin’ and I note you is a really fillin’ out that dress you’re a wearing, honeykins.” You’d heard a pin fallin’ through the air it got so quiet. Then Elmira Toolesaurd speaks up, her havin’ that boomin’ voice and all, ‘Well ladies, I know the men want some of these delicious desserts, but really, we need to get back to our scrapbooking, so If they don’t mind, we need to leave now.
That’s when Skinny Perkins picked up on what was goin’ on. Turnin’ to his wife and sayin’ “Kitten, I sure was lookin’ forward to the matcha tea powder coated deep fried, honey coated jickama slices, but I know yer scrapbooking is so important to you, that I’ll give them up.” Fer a moment, his Beulah hesitated and we was a wondering if maybe he hadn’t laid it on a mite too thick, but then she puts her hands together, and says, “Oh Skinny, you are the most thoughtful man alive.” At which point there was so many sighes a let loose I thought fer a second those ladies was a gonna catch on.
Clem, if ya want more on our day, just do like ya did before, and I will write more. Your favorite cousin’s husband, and friend of your husband, I.M.
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