A Mighty Tight Fit

This are that intrepid western reporter of the RV-Dreamers :):):) journal, Cousin Mick comin’ at ya from the havin’ escaped the clutches of the marine species police of an unnamed but from now on to be avoided, western state. When I last left ya off, me and Ms. Mary had been told by them invasive species officers to get into my kayack, and Ms. Mary to get her ownselfs kayack.

Now whilst Ms. Mary ain’t the smallest kid on the block, a carryin’ some considerable heft to her ownself, I am a feller that definitely has more ton than ro to my rotund, and that were when the trouble started. I am not aware of what invasives them fellers were lookin’ fer, but once I had shoe horned my ownself into the kayack, they wasn’t ever gonna see nothin’ unless there was pounds of butter a slathered around myownself to allow me to squeeze otta that kayack, and that were when the trouble started.

There we was a floatin’ in them pristine waters and me a callin;’ fer pounds of butter to extraction myownself from that kayack when one of the invasive agents says it are against the law to pollution the water with butter grease. So there I are, stuck like a plug in bottle, old fat Mick the Kentucky Kayack Kollapser, a doin' my best to live up to what I were called. I am tellin’ ya that when yer as big a round as I is, there ain’t much wiggle room in a kayack, and in fact there ain’t none a tall. All I could do was to tell them fellers that there weren’t no way there was no more room fer any invasive species in that kayack, and do you know it, they believe me, even though I were about to sink.

I never did tell them I had an inflatable life preserver kayack that would float me no matter how much I ate, but then if’n they don’t ask, I am of the opinion that one shouldn’t tell, else there ain’t no tellin’ what they will be askin’ next. I am guessin’ that the moral of this story are that ifn’ ya cross a state line, just blow a lot of hot air, and maybe they won’t know that yer really as stupid as ya look. I heard it worked fer another feller, and it also worked fer me, and what more could a feller ask fer.