Cousins

Now I know I'm boring ya ta death with all this gabbin' about this city feller and his cute wife, :):) but since he's the reason me and Nilda are where we are today, with a lot of help from the Great Kiva of course, it's important for you to know. Oh, and that feller is different from the one I was tellin' you about yesterday rentin' the boat. Leastaways I think he was a different feller.


I told you I might just a wander a little in this storytellin' which is exactly what I'm a doin'. So to get you pointed in the right direction, yesterday was about some city fellar now, but today I is goin' back to tell you about that city fellar from before, the one that got lost up on the Gluch.

Alrighty then, we knowed we was kin, him being from Kentuky and all, just as I was, but to figure all them intermarriges and extramarriges out would have taken most of the day, so we slapped each other on the back, and called each other cousin.

He shore did hit it off good with me, what with him spendin' so much time rubbin' his hand after he patted me on my back. Looked to me like he was trying to get even more of me onto himself than he already had. That's what being close relatives does to you, makes ya feel like a different person when your around them. :)

Then they did something that almost made me cry, I was so happy. :) That cute little woman gets out one of those paper hankies and starts to clean a little of me off his hand so she can get some on herself. I was so full of love for those two lost sheep because of this, that I wanted to throw my arms around them both. :)

Just as I was a reachin' for them, both their eyes got as big as saucers and they started to back up. That's when I heard Nilda's voice behind me and realized her standing there with her hair all done up in curlers and her mid-morning mud pack plastered on her face had probably been a right startling apparition, to use one of Pa's big words. Anyways, we eventually got everyone introduced, though I did notice that the cute woman :):) insisted that even though she and Nilda were cousin-in-laws at the very least, she didn't want to put Nilda out, and so the cute woman :):) wouldn't take a share of Nilda's mid-morning mud pack, even though it looked to me like Nilda had enough of that green mud on her face to make a passle of pigs happy. :)

Problem is that recollecting all that beauticating Nilda was doing to make her lovely little self even lovelier just got me off track from where I'm a supposed to be blogging. Sheesh. First thing I knowed, that fellar was going on about being a full timer and I knowed right then I wasn't in his league. I'd only had to serve part of my time before they wanted to let me out, course that was back when I first got into the cipherin' business, endin' up with the Judge's paper and my lifelong profession, all of which meant I was only a part timer. :)

Then I find out he's talking about something entirely different. That mansion he's pulling behind that wimpy little truck of his, is their home. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I remembered that Luther Bigelow's youngest girl had married some fellar that worked construction somewheres out west and Luther was a tellin' tales about how they lived out of a mobile home that was actually mobile. Now I ain't never see'd a mobile home what had tires on it, but this looked something like which Luther had been a telling about, only this thing looked much bigger as best I could recall Luther's description of a mobile, mobile home. :)

RV Park Entertainment

One of the more entertainin' things me and Nilda run into out in this life we's now a livin', is what kind of mess those city fellars that take up the mobile, mobile home life can get into. The stories you hear can be enough to like near split your sides a time or two. Nilda always likes to say that she isn’t the only one who enjoys the local gossip, I.M.’s not far behind.

As they was a tellin' it at the park wide hotdog and Cheez-It feed we had the other night, seems like a married pair of them former city dweller, full timers staying at the park decided they’d rent a boat and try emulating (getting better at them big words, aren’t I) the locals when it came to getting a share of the seafood a swimming round abouts out in the channels and beyond

Not knowing how things work here on the key, they drive down to Billy Bob’s Boat and Bait to get a rent-a-boat for the next week or so. Guess they made all kinds of arrangements for a Super Sea Skipper, outfitted a certain way that they would be a pickin’ up bright and early the next morning. All the locals knowed that Billy Bob was off on his annual Boar Hunt and Beer Bust at his wife’s family's private hunting preserve somewhere in Texas, which meant that Billy Bob had left his two boys, who the locals have always referred to as Dumb and Dumber, in charge.

When this fellar and his wife, who was described as a right cute little thing by the fellar tellin’ the story, shows up at some hour that neither of them two boys of Billy Bob have ever been up at in their lives, there weren’t no one there to help them get their boat. Guess they went off for a while a wondering if they’d got the wrong time, not knowin’ neither of them two boys couldn’t even have told them which hand of the clock was which, let alone what time it was.

As told, they come back just about the time Dumber was opening up, and asked him if their Super Sea Seaworthy was ready. Problem was they got the name of the boat mixed up, since they had asked yesterday for the Super Sea Skipper, and this morning for the Super Sea Seaworthy. Normally this wouldn’t have presented any problem as Billy Bob would have pointed out the error of their ways, and got them the boat they was a payin’ for, and sent them out towards the channel.

The feller telling the story was already a laughin’ as he was a spinnin’ this tale, so I figured it might likely get better before it ended, and it did. Seems like them two boys just couldn’t do nothin’ right, and the boat Dumb had showed them yesterday as the Super Sea Skipper was really a Super Sea Scuttle, and that one had been good as its name having sunk by the dock overnight. So when that city fellar started lookin’ around for the boat he had booked, it was nowhere to be seen.

Now the feller telling the story says Dumber isn’t always as dumb as he appears, and with some quick thinkin’ on his part, quick being relative, he says to the city feller that the boat he had reserved had already been rented out for the day, but he had an even better one that the city fellar could have for half of what he was going to pay for the one that weren’t there no more.