Beauty Parlor Gossip

I know y’all are mighty apparent of my way with words and the writin’ jeaneus I display, but most of what I been a writin’ is nothin’ more than what goes on for me and Nilda during most any day of the week, though on occasion it might be a bit more unusual than usual. Last Friday Nilda comes back from her once a week beauty treatment and tells me the ladies is all a talking about nothin’ but me. I was surely hopin’ it weren’t about no more literature pieces cause I.M. is plumb wore out from all the work Nilda is havin’ me do whenever I try to write some more literature. It’s what she calls testin’ the lititerary theory or something like that. Seems like every time I come with up some new plot line or other feature of them stories, Nilda says I got to try it out on her, else it’s just an unproven theory and I can’t use it in my literature writin’.

But back to what they was disgustin’ at the beauty palor. From my way of lookin’ at it, what she says them ladies come up with din’t make no sense to me at first. That was until she filled me in on the big picture as she put it, which then made me even more sure that it weren’t somethin’ I wanted to do. It, being write something called advertizin’ copy from which I could make a bunch of money accordin’ to them ladies, which would allow me and Nilda to buy a mobile, mobile home that wouldn’t break down all the time like Ol’ 5th Wheel. Which would mean I’d have more time to write literature for them ladies since it were their idea in the first place.

Now I was agreeing with Nilda right regular up until that last part, then she points out that if we was to replace Ol’ 5th Wheel with somethin’ more reliable, there weren’t no reason why we couldn’t just up and leave this place for good. Now Nilda didn’t exactly say it that way, her havin’ her refined speech and all, but I know that’s what she meant. I didn’t expect to aford no mansion on wheels like some of them city fellers we’ve met has had, but even somethin’ where the cupboard door don’t fall off every time you open it would be a major improvement over Ol’ 5th Wheel.

So now that I had the idea firmly impaired in my brain, in order to actually write some of that beauty parlor advertizin’ copy, I needed to find out just what the heck it were. Nilda suggested I go down to the beauty parlor and read through them magazines they got layin’ around for the ladies to read while they was waitin' for their appointments, but I told her straight out that I’d rather walk on burnin’ coals than set foot in that place. Nilda don’t tease much, but when she next said that she thought I was afraid of the beauty parlor she sure were a smiling mighty big. I tells her, afraid, I’m not afraid, I’m plum scared so much of going in there with them ladies, I’d sooner put on a brand new pair of unwashed wool long johns every morning for a whole month, than set foot in that place.

Nilda had a good idea about how I could read them magazines without them ladies, but that led to me fearin' I was gonna get another degree when that policeman found me a setting in the beauty parlor the other night, looking at all them pictures and such in them magazines with my flashlight. I knew I was a gonner for sure when the Judge was a goin’ on and on about me being a blot on the immorality of this town. Then out of the clear blue, in marched this lady who had pestered me until I wrote one of them literature pieces special for her. She goes right up to the Judge and a starts hissin' in his ear like a busted steam line.

Next thing I knowed the scowl he was throwin’ at me was gone, and his jaw drops open, then he’s a noddin’ his head and a sayin’ yes dear, yes dear, like one of them stuck records. Well she finishes up and comes right at me, with we expecting the same treatment from her and more so. Instead she stands right there next to me, her arms a crossed and a given the judge an evil eye if’n I ever saw one. The Judge looks at me and starts to say something, then looks at her and shuts his mouth. Then he slams his gavel down while sayin’ case dismissed based on expert eyewitness testimony, and heads back to his chambers. That woman grabs me, a draggin’ me right up tight to her bosom and says I should do all the research I wanted for my writtin' cause her husband, who’s the Judge, ain’t gonna interfere no more.

I.M. now knowin' I never should'a took up that litature writin' and should'a just stuck to this here blog writin' thing.  Cause them litatures it's almost causin' me more problems than Ol' 5th Wheel. Which is why I ain't plannin' on a writin' any more litatureary pieces fer a real good long while, if ever, and will stick to just this here blogger thing. So tomorrow it's back to how me and Nilda lives this mobile, mobile home life and also a providin' ya help to know how you can two.